CW Death / Friendship Loss / Grief / Miscarriage
I did nothing wrong
And death came for half my family
Three mothers and a friend. I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong
And I lost my baby on the bathroom floor.
Lost half my mind in the hospital
waiting room. I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong.
And I lost you
I lost you
A strange, complicated hurt.
Accumulation of all the losses that came before.
Just wanting to protect you
I did nothing wrong.
I know my life is golden.
I know, with help, I’ve fought so hard.
I don’t know how to scrub the watermark from my ankles,
how to stop the ends of me retracting.
How to feel half of a thing. Politely decline the other half.
How to hold myself in place. I did nothing wrong.
How not to bleed, in every circumstance, all over the floor.
I did nothing wrong.
(Video Reading coming soon!)
Commentary: I've been told a lot of my poetry is very uncooked, and I'm not sure I know how to write poetry otherwise at this stage, although perhaps someday I will learn. This poem was the turbulent outpouring of my own soul searching, about why I react to situations the way I do, and why I sometimes struggle to put things down, no matter how heavy they are or how much I really should. In these trying times it is important we are kind and compassionate to one another and, above all, to ourselves. This poem is my revelation that everything that happens, happens within a 'context' of many other things that have happened, hence the title I chose to give it.
